well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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