I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
