Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
