pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
