I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you traded sex for a burrito?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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