i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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