bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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