somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
