I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
