based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
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I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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