I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
