dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think my mom watched the whole time
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
