my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's like God shit irony all over that family
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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