her vagine was all disorganized.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
