remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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