ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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