Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
