I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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