Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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