Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
