Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
