At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
