the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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