Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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