i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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