There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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