Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My friends, they love my intelligence
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
