well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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