A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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