the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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