We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
