There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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