but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
