I just pynch a tree in the face
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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