im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
