She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
