The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
