Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How many fucks given?
0.12846
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
