omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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