I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
