i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
