Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
