I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
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He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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