brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
