I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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