Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
