hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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