I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
