id be glad to
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
