My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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