No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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