Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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