if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
