Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just cropdusted the office
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
