Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
