this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do herpes really smell.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
