i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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