for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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