So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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