Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
