so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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