my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
