I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
