Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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