if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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