he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
