My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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