Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize