I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
