I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
