Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you win again, gameday.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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