You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We were destined to go to rehab together
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
