so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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