An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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